Tom Sunnergren's Blog

Sports have never made me feel so lousy

Sat, 28 Feb 2009 18:30:00 -0500

Sports have never made me feel so lousy

My old roomate would always do impressions of English people when he was drinking. Unfortunately one...

Wed, 11 Feb 2009 11:39:00 -0500

My old roomate would always do impressions of English people when he was drinking. Unfortunately one of them was driving in the left lane.

RIP.

BARriers to fullfillment

Wed, 04 Feb 2009 16:15:47 -0500

Between the loud music, shallow people, and meaningless conversation, I’m really tired of trying to meet girls at the bar.

I just wish there were a place I could go to actually listen to people talk -really listen- and be heard myself. A place where I could make meaningful, lasting connections. Transcend the isolation that characterizes the human condition, and, if only for a moment, feel whole, connected with something larger than myself.

The place would be doubly kick ass if they did specials on well-drinks.

Meet the parents

Fri, 19 Dec 2008 19:00:00 -0500

A girl I’ve been seeing just invited me to her parent’s house for Christmas.

I feel ambivalent. One one hand I’m flattered, but I’m struggling to wrap my mind around the idea that a girl would actually want people to associate me with her. I usually assume that even when a girl likes me, I’m like a guilty pleasure for her. She really enjoys me, but wants to keep me on the DL. Kinda like I feel about Last Call with Carson Daly. Or masturbating when I drive

You know those ghost-spirits who are caught between this world...

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 09:29:00 -0500

You know those ghost-spirits who are caught between this world and the next because they have unfinished business to take care of? Once they realize they’re invisible, how do they get anything done? I’d just watch chicks in the shower and toilet all day. I’d be whacking it like every thirty minutes.

“Tom, you need to stop the man who murdered you from killing again.”

“Yeah, definitely, as soon as Jessica is out of the tub.”

Adventures of the guy who doesn't understand romance

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 09:15:00 -0500

“Listen up. I’m gonna say this once and only once. I love you”

My girlfriend broke up with me because she said the only way I could express myself was through...

Thu, 04 Dec 2008 21:09:00 -0500

My girlfriend broke up with me because she said the only way I could express myself was through sex.

I used to f*ck her in Morse code.

I still think the worst cast to be in would be “Seussical.”

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 01:27:29 -0500

I still think the worst cast to be in would be “Seussical.”

a "tie" that binds?

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 22:46:00 -0500

It’s unfortunate that McNabb didn’t understand what a tie was, but at least we can take solace in the fact that going forward, after Obama’s hisoric election, not only will black kids know what ties are, but many will get an opportunity to wear them.

Putting (the) race behind us...

Thu, 13 Nov 2008 19:24:00 -0500

I’ve been busy with work stuff and haven’t had a chance to post anything in a while, so I decided I’d throw out something punny. I imagine a depression era comic doing this as a skit in some vaudeville routine, or over the radio with a bunch of wacky sound effects.

I’ve never been so embarassed by anything I’ve written.

A little more than a week ago, the longest election season in our nation’s history finally screeched to a halt.

And it was a race to remember.

Some campaigns were un-Mitt-igated disasters; poor strategy a drag on their presidential hopes. Some were too chummy. “Candidates shouldn’t hucka-Be acting like every debate is an open-Mike night,” the public decided.

Surprisingly, some fringe candidates were able to Ron well; raising Pauls of cash in the process. And while third party candidacies were enough to make some want to Ralph, in the end, we couldn’t Barr them from campaigning.

But eventually the hard fought primaries came to an end. Though when the dust settled the democrats didn’t get to scratch their Kusin-itch to nominate a woman (and she made them feel a Clin-Ton of guilt over it) we did whittle our choices down to two; a Bush-clone and a stone (or rather a Bar-rack).

The two hit the ground running; first just spinning tires, then making their biggest hires. Barry chose first, deciding on a cup of Joe, while the McCain camp was Biden their time. In the end the elephants chose Sarah, apparently forgetting that rarely does it Pa(lin) to fire up the base at the expense of the middle.

But the right had a plan, bash Barry till there was nothing left. Mac raised Grave-l doubts about his associations. Did BO stink?

“His father was a Muslim, maybe the ACORN didn’t fall far from the tree,” he suggested.

And though for a while these attacks worked -“Is he the Wright man for the job,” the public worried- Obama stayed cool.

“Pay no mind to the neighs-Ayers,” he reassured the nation, reminding us of the fundamental choice we faced; cut programs, or ask the Rich-ardson to pick up more of the Bill.

We chose the latter. The red, white and blue was done getting black and blue and decided Barry was the e-Man-uel for the job.

Though there were about 72 reasons McCain lost, when all was said and done it wasn’t Sarah’s rage or his age; not a-g-e but AIG that sunk McCain and his slapdash campaign. The markets took a hit, and for once the collapse of a Bear drew cheers from Chicago. That’s right, Wall Street broke, and while Barney was too Frank and Dennis Doddled, in the end the public decided the right was wrong, the left was right, and the White House should be black.

And after eight years of singing the blues, the democrats finally had the republicans seeing red. Bad news for Fox.

an anti-Semitic guy who’s shopping for car insurance

Tue, 30 Sep 2008 10:43:54 -0400

“More like Kike-o.”

-White person “You can call me whatever you want, just don’t call me late to dinner” -Black...

Tue, 23 Sep 2008 17:36:00 -0400

-White person

“You can call me whatever you want, just don’t call me late to dinner”

-Black person

“You can call me late to dinner, just don’t call me ni**er.”

No woman, some cry

Tue, 23 Sep 2008 17:29:25 -0400

Some girls won’t date me because I drink and use drugs.

I don’t get it. It’s like, who wouldn’t want to be with some incredible genius artist whose drug use, while prolific and sometimes dangerous, gives him the inspiration to create this meaningful, lasting art that shines new light on old things and challenges, even forces, us to radically re-imagine the world that we live in. Wouldn’t that guy be pretty cool to hang out with?

Just minus the art thing and that’s me.

Mo' Nique, Mo' Problems

Wed, 17 Sep 2008 18:46:00 -0400

I read the other day that Monique’s brother raped her when they were kids.

Apparently he lured her into the bathroom with candy. I wonder how he knew candy would work.

Conservative saying

Wed, 17 Sep 2008 18:37:16 -0400

“Big carbon footprint, big meat.”

imagined suicide vs. suicide

Tue, 09 Sep 2008 15:22:55 -0400

“Here’s the suicide note Mrs. Sunnergren. It was hard to read because it was so full of difficult truths.”

“Here’s the suicide note Mrs. Sunnergren. It was hard to read because his handwriting is like a child’s.”

"Palin" it on

Fri, 05 Sep 2008 15:56:00 -0400

Sarah Palin named her child with down syndrome Trig. It’s weird that she named him something he’ll never do.

It’d be like if Sarah Palin’s parents named her “Use Birth Control,” or “Don’t Make Shit Up.”

a radio show producer who doesn't get it

Wed, 03 Sep 2008 11:35:32 -0400

“Yeah the guy can talk a good game, but does he have what it takes?”

Lessons...

Tue, 02 Sep 2008 18:54:00 -0400

When I was still in school, I thought success was just about who had the most money.

After i graduated I learned that I was right.

Apparently Sarah Palin chose to keep her child despite learning...

Tue, 02 Sep 2008 13:29:00 -0400

Apparently Sarah Palin chose to keep her child despite learning he had down syndrome when he was still in utero.

Unfortunately it wasn’t the first time a republican stubbornly refused to bail on something that was completely retarded from conception.