Sports have never made me feel so lousy
Tom Sunnergren's Blog
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My old roomate would always do impressions of English people when he was drinking. Unfortunately one of them was driving in the left lane.
RIP.
BARriers to fullfillment
Between the loud music, shallow people, and meaningless conversation, I’m really tired of trying to meet girls at the bar.
I just wish there were a place I could go to actually listen to people talk -really listen- and be heard myself. A place where I could make meaningful, lasting connections. Transcend the isolation that characterizes the human condition, and, if only for a moment, feel whole, connected with something larger than myself.
The place would be doubly kick ass if they did specials on well-drinks.
Meet the parents
A girl I’ve been seeing just invited me to her parent’s house for Christmas.
I feel ambivalent. One one hand I’m flattered, but I’m struggling to wrap my mind around the idea that a girl would actually want people to associate me with her. I usually assume that even when a girl likes me, I’m like a guilty pleasure for her. She really enjoys me, but wants to keep me on the DL. Kinda like I feel about Last Call with Carson Daly. Or masturbating when I drive
You know those ghost-spirits who are caught between this world and the next because they have unfinished business to take care of? Once they realize they’re invisible, how do they get anything done? I’d just watch chicks in the shower and toilet all day. I’d be whacking it like every thirty minutes.
“Tom, you need to stop the man who murdered you from killing again.”
“Yeah, definitely, as soon as Jessica is out of the tub.”
Adventures of the guy who doesn't understand romance
“Listen up. I’m gonna say this once and only once. I love you”My girlfriend broke up with me because she said the only way I could express myself was through sex.
I used to f*ck her in Morse code.
I still think the worst cast to be in would be “Seussical.”
a "tie" that binds?
It’s unfortunate that McNabb didn’t understand what a tie was, but at least we can take solace in the fact that going forward, after Obama’s hisoric election, not only will black kids know what ties are, but many will get an opportunity to wear them.
Putting (the) race behind us...
I’ve been busy with work stuff and haven’t had a chance to post anything in a while, so I decided I’d throw out something punny. I imagine a depression era comic doing this as a skit in some vaudeville routine, or over the radio with a bunch of wacky sound effects.
I’ve never been so embarassed by anything I’ve written.
A little more than a week ago, the longest election season in our nation’s history finally screeched to a halt.
And it was a race to remember.
Some campaigns were un-Mitt-igated disasters; poor strategy a drag on their presidential hopes. Some were too chummy. “Candidates shouldn’t hucka-Be acting like every debate is an open-Mike night,” the public decided.
Surprisingly, some fringe candidates were able to Ron well; raising Pauls of cash in the process. And while third party candidacies were enough to make some want to Ralph, in the end, we couldn’t Barr them from campaigning.
But eventually the hard fought primaries came to an end. Though when the dust settled the democrats didn’t get to scratch their Kusin-itch to nominate a woman (and she made them feel a Clin-Ton of guilt over it) we did whittle our choices down to two; a Bush-clone and a stone (or rather a Bar-rack).
The two hit the ground running; first just spinning tires, then making their biggest hires. Barry chose first, deciding on a cup of Joe, while the McCain camp was Biden their time. In the end the elephants chose Sarah, apparently forgetting that rarely does it Pa(lin) to fire up the base at the expense of the middle.
But the right had a plan, bash Barry till there was nothing left. Mac raised Grave-l doubts about his associations. Did BO stink?
“His father was a Muslim, maybe the ACORN didn’t fall far from the tree,” he suggested.
And though for a while these attacks worked -“Is he the Wright man for the job,” the public worried- Obama stayed cool.
“Pay no mind to the neighs-Ayers,” he reassured the nation, reminding us of the fundamental choice we faced; cut programs, or ask the Rich-ardson to pick up more of the Bill.
We chose the latter. The red, white and blue was done getting black and blue and decided Barry was the e-Man-uel for the job.
Though there were about 72 reasons McCain lost, when all was said and done it wasn’t Sarah’s rage or his age; not a-g-e but AIG that sunk McCain and his slapdash campaign. The markets took a hit, and for once the collapse of a Bear drew cheers from Chicago. That’s right, Wall Street broke, and while Barney was too Frank and Dennis Doddled, in the end the public decided the right was wrong, the left was right, and the White House should be black.
And after eight years of singing the blues, the democrats finally had the republicans seeing red. Bad news for Fox.
